I sent my sister an email this morning to say happy pre-birthday. We zipped emails back and forth until we decided that we were going to go out tonight. It was a Thursday night and I don’t usually venture out of my domain (downtown). I really don’t like to drink and drive, so I don’t. People that know me well understand that I enjoy walking to things that are close by or a short cab ride. The end result of the conversation was that we were going to this place in La Jolla called Jacks. I knew of this place and did the drive by one night and couldn’t bring myself to go in. I had heard a few things about this place from someone I know and the reviews were mixed. I decided what the hell. This is where things get interesting.
My sister and I grab some appetizers at Su Casa and catch up on the last week’s events. We were then going to meet her co-workers for cocktails at Jacks. As we were walking up I should have known what was in store for me. It smelled of rotten eggs and formaldehyde. I winced, yet, shrugged it off like a trooper. We walk down the stairs to what appeared to be a nice place inside. Two young ladies greeted us as we walked in. The downstairs bar was crowded. Immediately I was inundated with stares and inquisitive looks from the various ladies at the bar. It was as if they were all expecting me to show up. I realized quickly that they were looking for someone a little different than I. Although, I was dressed in some of my best attire. I realized then it was my age that was the problem. I needed to tack on a few wrinkles; 40 pounds and about 15 years and I would be in! I guess we can’t all be perfect.
We push past the crowd downstairs as the cougars give a purr as I walk by. I have a fear of cougars so I yelped for that Australian animal guy. I could hear him saying: "Crikey!! You see in the cougars natural habitat they are quite docile, but when aggravated they become fierce and strike with great force and vengeance" (all said in an Australian accent of course). I scurried past said cougars and made my way upstairs where we met our group.
I was introduced to my sisters’ co-workers. They were very cool people, very down to earth and just there to watch the show. I quickly labeled it FOP (Freaks on Parade) as what looked like Goldie Hawn walks past me with her low cut top and implants fighting for air. I thought about asking her for her autograph, and then I realized that I should get the autograph of her plastic surgeon. He/she had done some very fine work. I mean she looked just like Goldie Hawn, well a severely injured Goldie, but Goldie none the less.
I quickly ordered my drink. Vodka on the rocks please I said. I didn’t realize that places like these could drive me to drink. I noticed a group of guys forming around a two-set table of cougars. It started out as 3 guys and two girls. Five minutes later there were 12 guys standing around the two girls. I thought I was in the Amazon! I have never seen piranhas gather so quickly. I guess that’s what happens when you have two cougars with the meat falling off the rack. Like a nice juicy, well aged piece of tenderloin. Who am I trying to fool? These poor girls had to be 35ish and they had hit the wall a few years back. Years of hard living I guess. Chasing the impossible dream. I now know what keeps plastic surgeons in business. Are you mad? Why are you raising your eyebrows at me? Ooohh, that constant surprised look is just the botox paralyzing every last muscle in their faces.
